I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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