she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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