We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
