he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I cannot find my penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
