Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
