Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
