God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
