So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
