ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
