Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
