3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
