and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
