U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
