When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
