I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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