Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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