I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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