ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
