he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
