You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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