I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
