My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
do nipples grow back?
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