I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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