he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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