he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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