i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
