you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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