she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I want is dick and wine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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