I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
