I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
