He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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