i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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