Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
