everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
