laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
