At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
