just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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