Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
