I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
