He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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