dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
