i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
