So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
