I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize