I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Quick, to the slutcave!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
