hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When did angry sex become our thing?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
