So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
