did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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