this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
