Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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