I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
