How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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