no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
