I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
