I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
