There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
