Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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