oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
