I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
did i walk over a car last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
