I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
