you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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