I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
