I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
