I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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