A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
