i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
