Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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