I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
