Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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