I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
