I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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