you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
