He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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