Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
