Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
