I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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