happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
