my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
