im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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