You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
