If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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